Mathematicians at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology shocked the math world with the announcement that 1 equals 2. This discovery has wide implications for math, science and commerce. MIT Professor Lou Snut provided United Press the following proof:
The shock waves from this remarkable discovery have spread beyond the halls of academia and are affecting the lives of people all over the world. At a local McDonald’s restaurant, we interviewed Ms. Bee Gass who had just finished paying for her double Big Mac, extra large fries and chocolate shake. “I can’t believe that McDonald’s has been giving me the wrong change all these years.”
Mathematicians are scrambling to resolve this problem. Possible solutions include returning to the Roman numeral system, outlawing algebra and counting on your fingers. This last suggestion is gaining momentum since counting on your fingers is considered a very reliable method. One possible problem with this approach is that people are now reluctant to count using 1 and 2, which have lost all credibility. “We are considering returning to an even earlier counting system which has none of the disadvantages of the current logically inconsistent method, ” said Professor Snut. Holding up his fingers, he counted, “this little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home, this little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none…” In this system, you might say “I got this little piggy had none tickets to the Lady Gaga concert” or “I’d like this little piggy stayed home eggs over easy”.