Author Archives: Professor Beau Gusphax

2,000 Year Old Spam Found in Bethlehem

Posted on December 30, 2010 by Professor Beau Gusphax

Jerusalem, Israel Archeologists were stunned to find fragments of SPAM in an archeological dig close to the spot where Jesus was born. “Carbon dating has established that this SPAM was made around the time of the birth of Christ, with … Continue reading →

Posted in Archeology | 1 Comment

Earth Moving Away from the Sun

Posted on December 23, 2010 by Professor Beau Gusphax

Manhattan, NY Planetary scientists announced that they have observed a slight increase in the Earth’s distance from the Sun. “The Earth is being nudged out into a bigger orbit,” said Dr. Biggy Lips. “Starting this summer, we noticed a small … Continue reading →

Posted in Science & Technology | 1 Comment

Santa Proved to be an Artifact of Quantum Mechanics

Posted on December 10, 2010 by Professor Beau Gusphax

Northgradia, Finland Scientists who previously scoffed at the notion of a little fat man who can climb down chimneys, reindeer that can fly, and stockings filled with toys, now have conceded that Santa may in fact be as real as … Continue reading →

Posted in Quantum Mechanics | Leave a comment

Dividing by Zero Allowed

Posted on December 1, 2010 by Professor Beau Gusphax

Cambridge MA Another mathematics breakthrough stunned the math world when Professor Lou Snut announced that his team had proved that division by zero was completely consistent with all mathematics principles. “This one of the most important events in the history … Continue reading →

Posted in Math | 2 Comments

Foundations of Mathematics Shattered by Discovery that 1 Equals 2

Posted on November 28, 2010 by Professor Beau Gusphax

Cambridge MA Mathematicians at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology shocked the math world with the announcement that 1 equals 2. This discovery has wide implications for math, science and commerce. MIT Professor Lou Snut provided United Press the following proof: … Continue reading →

Posted in Math | 2 Comments

Bananas Do Have Seeds

Posted on November 27, 2010 by Professor Beau Gusphax

Bogata, Columbia Nov 2010 A team of researchers have proven conclusively that bananas do have seeds. In a rigorous experiment, the tiny black specks found in bananas were extracted using a heavy water centrifuge.  The seeds were selected for size, … Continue reading →

Posted in Bananas | 1 Comment