Author Archives: Professor Beau Gusphax

2,000 Year Old Spam Found in Bethlehem

Jerusalem, Israel Archeologists were stunned to find fragments of SPAM in an archeological dig close to the spot where Jesus was born. “Carbon dating has established that this SPAM was made around the time of the birth of Christ, with … Continue reading

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Earth Moving Away from the Sun

Manhattan, NY Planetary scientists announced that they have observed a slight increase in the Earth’s distance from the Sun. “The Earth is being nudged out into a bigger orbit,” said Dr. Biggy Lips. “Starting this summer, we noticed a small … Continue reading

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Santa Proved to be an Artifact of Quantum Mechanics

Northgradia, Finland Scientists who previously scoffed at the notion of a little fat man who can climb down chimneys, reindeer that can fly, and stockings filled with toys, now have conceded that Santa may in fact be as real as … Continue reading

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Dividing by Zero Allowed

Cambridge MA Another mathematics breakthrough stunned the math world when Professor Lou Snut announced that his team had proved that division by zero was completely consistent with all mathematics principles. “This one of the most important events in the history … Continue reading

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Foundations of Mathematics Shattered by Discovery that 1 Equals 2

Cambridge MA Mathematicians at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology shocked the math world with the announcement that 1 equals 2. This discovery has wide implications for math, science and commerce. MIT Professor Lou Snut provided United Press the following proof: … Continue reading

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Bananas Do Have Seeds

Bogata, Columbia Nov 2010 A team of researchers have proven conclusively that bananas do have seeds. In a rigorous experiment, the tiny black specks found in bananas were extracted using a heavy water centrifuge. ┬áThe seeds were selected for size, … Continue reading

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