Jerusalem, Israel

Archeologists were stunned to find fragments of SPAM in an archeological dig close to the spot where Jesus was born. “Carbon dating has established that this SPAM was made around the time of the birth of Christ, with an error margin of plus or minus 7 years,” explained Dr. Frank Phuter of the University of Pennsylvania. “We found the remains of a small kitchen fire, which allowed us to carbon date the site. Then we uncovered fragments of burned food, which proved to be SPAM. The carbon dating of the SPAM matched that of the fire. Remarkably, we recently uncovered fragments of food which appears to be haggis, the famous Scottish delicacy. It too is from the era of the first Christmas.”

Sceptics point out that SPAM was first produced in 1937, shedding some question on the reliablity of the carbon dating. But culinary historians say that SPAM as produced by the Hormel company is based on a recipe which has been used by many cultures  for millenium. “Along with wheat, corn, and chicken, SPAM is one of the world’s oldest foods,” affirmed Llyod Winn, food historian. Further testing of the DNA has shown that the SPAM in question was produced in China not Austin Minnesota, the current SPAM capital of the world. “The food discovered is definitely SPAM, regardless of its place of manufacture. And no one questions that haggis has been produced in Scotland for thousands of years – in fact many of the haggis available for sale and in people’s closets date back hundreds if not thousands of years.”

“The best explanation of food products from such distant places arriving in Bethlehem at the same time 2000 years ago is that they were carried by the Wisemen,” said Professor Mel Chior of the University of Jerusalem. “It is believed that one Wiseman came from east, probably China, where SPAM was first invented (like gunpowder, paper, noodles and tiny drink umbrellas). The second Wiseman must have come from Scotland. We are still trying to figure out where the third Wiseman came from. My guess is New Jersey.”

“It is no surprise that SPAM and haggis play such a big part in family Christmas celebrations. Now we know the historical origins of this wonderful family tradition,” said Mr. Wynn.

Christmas dinner